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"You Get What You Don't Pay For"By Alan Simpson Every week I get someone calling with an opportunity to "get my foot in the door at some conference or other". Yes, they say, the organizers do not want any more speakers who plug their products and services, and as an independent broadcaster and journalist, I can bring a neutral flavor of informed opinion to the audience. Fly from New York to Orlando, San Diego, Seattle or Dallas and speak to the thousand dollar a pop conference on whatever. What an opportunity! All that expensive research, meeting people, interviewing, questioning and probing to be given away free, and pay for my own hotel and air fare. WOW, WHAT A DEAL!!! "Will the audience be top management" I ask. "On no, top management will be at the Presidents Golf Tournament, you will be speaking to the IT people" is the reply. (Preaching to the bloody choir again!!) "Don't you think they may already be aware of the issues. Why not address management." Seems like an obvious question on my part. "Oh they don't want to listen to all that doom and gloom "the sky is falling" stuff. They want positive presentations. They are very busy people, under a lot of stress." Of course silly me. "Are you having any motivational speakers, boosting the sales effort." "Oh yes, we are fortunate to have ********** ." Comes the response. "Was he expensive to book?" I inquire. "You'd better believe it! Twenty thousand, plus First Class air fare, plus suite. But he is worth it, he has a very upbeat message that management loves to hear." Of course, silly me, again. "So let's get this straight, you want me to come down, speak for free, pay my own air fare, own hotel bill and expenses, and give a detailed presentation on the threat, consequences and global scenario on Year 2000." I clarify. "Well actually we hoped you would also recommend the best and most cost effective solutions, and give out any literature you feel would be of value to the audience. We do not want the audience wasting their time listening to things they already know. This Year 2000 thing is a nuisance, especially with all the media hype from those alarmists." Now if this was not a transcript of an actual telephone conversation it would be funny. The trouble is, it is not fiction. Now, I know a well known lawyer will be going down to those conferences, carefully noting who in the "Officers of the Company" ranks played Golf, ignoring the messages of "whoever spoke on Year 2000 problems" for future reference. It was all noted in his "Due Diligence" book. For the record it will not be me speaking, giving it all away. It will end up with a VP of Sales, from a tool vendor, who will explain that it is all hype, products are available that will check and correct all known code, at a rate of two trillion lines a millisecond. "And if anyone needs further information there is a stack of literature at the back of the room, totally free of charge." After the conference, someone will mention that "Next year they want someone who is not plugging their products or services. When we read the brochures they could only handle one version of COBOL, and their product would be out of development till later in the year.. Hey, they ought to give you a call, it would be a great opportunity to speak and be recognized." And in ten months time a call will be received from the conference organizer, saying that there is an opportunity........ Maybe, just maybe , the Presidents Golf Tournament will be canceled in 2000, as the well known motivational speaker (who now charges $50,000 a presentation), will be driving home the "Let's all rebuild the company together" message. Should be a good conference! (c) 1997, Alan Simpson, All Rights Reserved |
